Social Confidence: wanna know how I faked it?

I've got a confession: I've never been much of a social butterfly.
While I thrive in the presence of a close few, I am by nature an introspective and pensive person. It took my entire school career for me to be able to be open and chatty with someone I don't know all that well. After starting at university, I found it a lot easier to make friends. However, it's just during the last year that I've been comfortable with walking into a party, where I don't know anyone, and engaging in conversation with a total stranger.

While I do admit that I'm not, nor have I ever been a hugely social person (nor am I an expert by any means), I do think that these kind of social skills are just that: skills. They can be learned with a little self-awareness and determination. I believe that if you force yourself out of your warm and comfy nest and pretend to fly, that eventually you will fly.

I purposely put myself in situations outside of my comfort zone. Saying yes to any invites you may receive from your peers (within reason) is a good start. Making a point of exchanging a few words with someone you wouldn't usually talk to is also a good exercise. And as hard as it can be when you're feeling uncomfortable, smile. Just as the planets align themselves around the sun, people are drawn towards sunny people, and you will be remembered for the warmth in your face during a conversation.

I know that these things might sound daunting, but I am of the opinion that you cannot wait for confidence to come and fall in your lap. You have the power to change your situation, and all it takes is a pinch of motivation and, of course, a bit of effort. It can be tempting to try and emulate those who are outgoing and popular when you compare them to yourself. Just remember that you are the best version of you there ever will be. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted, and the people around you should respect you for that. Although your spirit isn't as immediately apparent as some of your more outgoing counterparts, people will appreciate your fascinating personality when they get to know you.

When your confidence grows, you'll realise that you won't have to fake it anymore; you won't have to force yourself in social situations, or put yourself out anymore. Eventually, and with practice, these social situations will become easier, especially when you notice that people are interested and probably pleasantly surprised about who you are. It was difficult to push myself out there when I contemplated my social anxiety, but it was worth it a thousand times over for the courage, confidence and comfort I've gained from the experience.


  1. This is all 100% accurate. Right now I'm kind of at the in-between stage - I do force myself to talk to people I don't know, but I still don't feel completely comfortable while doing it. Really good post :)

    1. Thanks :-) I've been enjoying your Youtube channel lately, keep up the good work!
      Maria x